so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
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