I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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