how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
