Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
