i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
