I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
