I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Randomize
