Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize