you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
