TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
