your thong is hanging out like whoa
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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