My girlfriend figured out who you are.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
