He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize