She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
My vagina is officially offended.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
