that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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