I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
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