worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
