I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
You ate ashes out of my bong
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Randomize
