he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Randomize
