girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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