I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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