All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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