My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
