You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
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