Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
