I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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