Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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