Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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