I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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