He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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