I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
