I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I FOUND THE LEGS
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
