Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
