I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I pour the whiskey from now on
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
