Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
