yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
