I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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