Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
