So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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