yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
