i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
