I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I've blown a few things in my day
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
do herpes really smell.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
