Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
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