If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
