my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
We were destined to go to rehab together
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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