Im at strip club and am horny
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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