dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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