i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
