Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
