Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Randomize
