Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
My vagina is officially offended.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
