AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
