i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
