this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize