Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
