I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
