like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
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