he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
