i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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