I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
