my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
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