Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
