SEEEEXXX PLEASE
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize