yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
