I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
