i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
